Fun with Rules
by wee-me
Summary: So what would happen if Harry Kim thought things had gotten a little boring on the ship and morale needed boosting? Well, I'm not sure this is it, but this is where my brain went. Please enjoy my attempt at a funny Harry story.


**Fun with Rules**

By Wee-Me

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Star Trek: Voyager or any of its characters. I can't even find a Star Trek convention to get to in my area.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I like my Harry a little sneaky and a little OCD, so here he is in all the nerd glory I could give him. Attempting humor here so don't take it seriously people. Enjoy.

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Some people like spontaneity. Some people like to fly by the seat of their pants. Some people like to go into a situation blind and calmly accept whatever comes of it. Those people are not Harry Kim. Those people, in his opinion, are out of their ever-loved minds. This is a man who voluntarily took etiquette lessons as a boy instead of spending summer break playing. This is a man who preregistered for Starfleet Academy two years in advance and had his first-year course materials memorized the day he arrived for orientation. This is a man who has some sort of ground rule for every situation and in every interaction.

Rules, frameworks, and protocols are the reason he joined Starfleet. A scientist and explorer he may be, and a fine one at that, but having a structure to his explorations makes him that much happier. Seeking new knowledge is fine and dandy, but it is much better when you have a firm framework to branch out from.

The one area of protocol that Starfleet neglected to cover is how to interact with your crew and what was once a hostile faction when you are dragged into the Delta Quadrant and may be stuck with each other for the next seventy years. It is an understandable oversight, but a rule-book would be met with joy should he ever run across one. Failing a protocol to fall back on, he has cataloged the crew to create his own set of rules and this will be his contribution to morale.

When a man such as himself, who does not mind routine and sometimes enjoys it, feels that things are too dull it is time for action. When the crew has chosen their cliques and grown bored with each other, and even the morale officer is depressed something must be done. As it so happens one Ensign Harry Kim has decided to do just that, which is why he is skulking around on his off time looking for an unused com panel to upload a little morale. If he can avoid being caught and get at least one person to smile he will be happy.

He is providing an anonymous general post of his observations of the crew so maybe they will at least have something to talk about. He is covering his tracks well, who said you couldn't learn something from Seska, a little ship-wide mystery will help break up the monotony (and keep him out of trouble). This is more reckless than he likes to get, but Tom has apparently been a bad influence. The irony that he is bending the rules to post his rules is not lost on him.

Hello Voyager crew,

I've noticed a distinct lack of morale lately, despite Neelix's best efforts, and I think something ought to be done. This is why I'm posting today, a little exercise in morale boosting. This is a list of every crew member on the ship and a little bit of information about them. I am hoping that you will use this to meet new people, make new friends, reach out to someone new, and have some fun. If that doesn't work at least you'll have something to read. All I ask in return is that you do not try to find me. I don't think that is too much to ask. Thank you.

Anonymous

**Captain Kathryn Janeway: **Kind woman, no-nonsense on the bridge, but can be a (somewhat intimidating) friend on her off-hours. Never get between her and coffee, and never mention lizards. If you respond promptly, work hard, and seem eager she will gift you with one of her special smiles- these are treasures to be sought after at every opportunity. And if you just talk to her you can have a very interesting conversation. Conversation starters could cover any topic because her interests are broad, but literature is always a good bet.

**Commander Chakotay:** A hard case to describe. He is cordial, but not overly so and he is more apt to fraternize with senior staff and Maquis crewmen. He is handy in a fight, but should never be asked for romantic advice. He is a better leader than a "pal". Spirituality is a good conversation starter. I believe he has expressed an interest in archaeology as well, but I make no promises on the truth of that.

**Lieutenant Commander Tuvok: **Personally preferable to Chakotay, but this may be different for other crewmen. Music, literature, and meditation are safe topic starters, but he can also be helpful in physical training. He is an excellent leader and fighter, and a great teacher. His praise and approval are to be as fiercely sought after as the Captain's, but with more restraint. He has a soft spot for children, but not for the childish. Do not touch him or interrupt him, Vulcans put more emphasis on personal space and social niceties.

**The Doctor: **Despite drunken plotting to change his program by engineering staff that will remain nameless the Doctor's personality is set, and that is not a bad thing. When you are in sickbay it is best to stick to symptoms and ailments (unless the Doctor initiates), and save conversation for the holodecks or elsewhere. Music and the arts are safe topics. Basically what you need to know is that he is not as bad as he has been made out to be and he can be quite nice to be around.

**Neelix: **Our morale officer, he is a jovial man, I'm sure you've met him. If he is not given a specific reason to be unhappy, he will be happy, it is as easy as that. He is always open to new ideas to boost morale even if they seem foolish (though he was not in on this particular endeavor). Try one of his experimental dishes or just chat with him, he is one of the easiest people on this ship to talk to. His smiles are infectious so he himself is a morale booster. I'm not sure anyone needs help talking to Neelix, but I hope this helps.

**Kes: **Young, but wise and very friendly. She works in sickbay with the Doctor, but she is found as often with Neelix as she is in sickbay. She tempers Neelix's sweet enthusiasm and the Doctor's rough spots. She is very kind, but she prefers small groups to large so do not crowd her. Don't let her intelligence put you off, she is rather easy to talk to.

**Lieutenant Tom Paris: **He likes to call himself "the flyboy playboy" if that helps you understand his personality any better. He can be a terrible influence, rush head on into danger, and be completely reckless, but he is also an incredibly brave and loyal friend. He likes speed, women, and games, but will converse about almost anything (even if he knows nothing about it). If you are a single woman he probably wants to talk to you.

**Ensign Harry Kim: **Often seen being involved in one of Tom Paris' schemes or standing on the bridge. He is fond of science and music. He spends a lot of time in the holodeck and he doesn't mind when people join him there. He always seems to be up to talk as long as it does not interfere with his duties. He can be quite shy, but don't let this put you off (you might follow Tom Paris' example and get him into trouble as a bonding exercise, but both he and the Captain would prefer you didn't).

**B'Elanna Torres: **An engineer first and foremost she is highly competitive, athletic, and intelligent. And yet she still manages to be fun to be around. She can be intimidating, but just be yourself to her and don't be afraid to tell her she's scaring you (use tact though). Engineering, athletics, and games would be best the best conversation starters here. Fiercely loyal, sometimes simply fierce, she is a good friend to have (especially in a fight). Don't crowd her, and beware her friendly punches if you bruise easily or if you don't want to look like a wimp.

**Ensign Vorik: **Again it is best to keep your hands to yourself, but he is more comfortable with groups than our other resident Vulcan. He is yet another athlete and will play sports with almost anyone, but he keeps serious competition to his close friends. He will converse about engineering and such, but is a great conversationalist in general interests as well. Please don't interrupt his duties with chit-chat, avoid gossip, and you will get along fine.

The list continues on from here with facts about every single crew-member (if only a hometown or nickname) gathered from available records, the crewmen he is close to, and his own observations. He just hopes it will be worth sneaking to a com station and wasting precious sleep time over. He sneaks back to his quarters unnoticed and hopes this won't come back to haunt him.

-MORNING-

A sleepy Harry Kim arrives to the mess hall pre-shift to grab some breakfast and as much coffee as he can stand. His tired eyes light up as he is greeted by a jolly Neelix who is practically bouncing with barely contained joy over the camaraderie the anonymous post has caused. Harry just nods claiming to be as curious as everyone else about the posting and grabs his breakfast. All over he sees people mixing together with smiles on their faces as they look over padds with what looks strikingly like his post. It looks as if it is working like a charm.

He sees Tom talking to a swarm of giggling below-deckers who are eating up his charm and flirting back just as shamelessly. It makes him laugh a little, maybe this will finally be too much for Tom and he'll have to admit he doesn't know as much about the ladies as he'd have everyone believe. As if sensing him Tom turns and winks to Harry mouthing "Later". It seems he and Tom will be having a little chat later. He admits to himself that it was really too much to ask that no one would figure it out.

In complete polar opposition to Tom, Chakotay sits alone at a table further back. An extremely kind or near sighted person would claim him deep in thought, a normal person such as Harry would call it sulking. He appears to be reading the same post as the rest of the crew, but to much different effect. Harry hadn't meant to upset the man, but can't see any reason the opinion of an anonymous person would matter to him anyway. His mouth moves and Harry can read the words "preferable to Chakotay" on them. Oh. That. He hadn't meant anything by it really, just a statement of his own opinion, but apparently the Commander has taken it to heart. As Chakotay's eyes cut over to glare at Tom, Harry makes a mental note to warn the pilot of the misunderstanding.

As he scans the room for a table (as far away from Chakotay as possible) he sees the Captain and Kes at a back table conversing animatedly with some of the more serious minded crew. Catching sight of him the Captain raises her coffee mug to him in toast. He nearly panics, but if she is as amused as her raised eyebrow implies then maybe she is okay with it. He will have to check with her later, and if she is truly not holding it against him maybe she can solve his Chakotay problem. The only downside he can see to this is that he cannot find a table and all he wants is to eat his breakfast before his shift.

And now his desire to find a seat is biting him in his aft deck as Tuvok gestures him over to his table in the corner as two crewmen leave it. He is wary of the Vulcan's motive, he does so like to play detective, but he can't truly avoid him without raising suspicion. Harry is coming to the sinking realization that people that really know him well are having no trouble naming him as the anonymous source (at least that means Chakotay won't likely catch him).

"Good morning Mr. Kim. Have you heard about our mystery?"

"Morning, Lieutenant. Neelix was telling me that a post was causing quite an uproar, but I haven't finished reading it this morning."

"Indeed."

The arched eyebrow has appeared and if he didn't know any better he would swear the Vulcan looks amused (idly he wonders if he and the Captain practiced together to mirror each other so well). At the very least Harry must assume that Tuvok knows, amused or not.

"Sooo. Are you going to try to find the person who posted it?"

Now he is certain that Tuvok is amused, Vulcan reputation or not. He looks to be on the verge of laughter at Harry's expense although it does not seem malicious.

"I will await my Captain's decision on the matter, but I find it personally preferable to let the matter rest. Enjoy your meal Mr. Kim."

Tuvok rises, then stops and Harry looks at him expectantly.

"Ensign. It is not necessary to seek to gain what is yours, fiercely restrained, or in any other manner. It is in fact illogical to do so. I will see you on the bridge."

Harry puzzles over the cryptic parting shot for longer than his non sleep deprived mind would take before coming to the conclusion that Tuvok was referring to his post. The only thing he can think of that might include seeking is praise and approval. He is floored. He has Tuvok's praise and approval. He did not set out in this to get an "attaboy" from Tuvok, but he couldn't be happier to have it. Looking around at the room full of happy people, a sight for sore eyes, he decides his effort is an irrefutable success.

A sneaky little grin spreads over his features as he thinks that perhaps morale efforts will become his new hobby. He scarfs down his small meal as he ponders over ideas for his next act. As he ponders B'Elanna and Vorik enter fresh from their morning workout. Seeing the laughing woman practically hanging on the Vulcan's arm, in stitches over some comment that no one else would probably really understand from the reserved Ensign, he is struck with inspiration. His mind begins to calculate the necessary steps and possible pitfalls as the pair settles into a cozy table by themselves exchanging conversation and absent touches.

He likes them both, considers them his friends, and would like to see them happy. If he can help them be happy, and together no less, it will be worth risking a beating from B'Elanna. She wags her padd at him and gives him a thumbs up. Vorik turns to give him a nod. (Again he has failed to fool his friends, he will have to try harder next time.) Harry smiles and gives a smart salute that cracks her up and then heads off to shift early as always. He turns his focus back to the ship and his duties, but not before promising himself a long nap after shift followed by a planning shift for his next project. He muses that there aren't any romantic protocols in the Delta Quadrant either, and who better than him to fix that?

Besides, he smirks as the lift starts, he has always wanted to play matchmaker.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Yeah, that's it. Lots of OOC-ness. Harry wasn't as sneaky as he had hoped, poor dear. And Chakotay hijacking my story for a little while, grr. (I really have nothing against him unless he's hitting on the Captain.) I hope you liked it. Please review.


End file.
